Ch ch ch changes

I have not been feeling very good lately. Physically, I have been struggling with the consequences of a very strong antibiotic that has left my digestive system lacking in the healthy bacteria that facilitates vigorous digestion. Emotionally, I am just tired and drained. Mentally...well, that has always been questionable! But I am sure that my physical and emotional struggles have left the mental capabilities even weaker than normal!

I have discovered that change is not my forte. This is not a new concept. but it has been reinforced in this last year in a huge way due to events beyond my control. Now there is a big admission... I am NOT in control. God has given me many huge reminders recently.

I am a firm believer in indulging in a short term pity party when life presents you with crappy situations. Then pick yourself up, pray to God for the strength you need, and GET ON WITH IT!!!! With regret, I must admit that I have not felt strong enough to follow my own advice. Consequently, I have been wallowing in the sadness and difficulty of change.

A couple of weeks ago, Michael, my oldest son, deployed for Iraq. It still doesn't seem real though I was there to witness his departure. When I hear his voice through the phone line from Kuwait I can convince myself that he is just a few blocks away, home with his wife, where they are snuggling together on the couch. My husband frequently says that denial can be a wonderful tool, but life will eventually catch up with you! His prediction is correct!

Change has been in the air for about a year now, but this has been the biggest adjustment yet. I need to remind myself that my son and his fellow soldiers volunteered for this duty, and are proud to serve! And I am proud beyond reason of him and his desire to help others. But I still don't have to LIKE this situation! Or do I?

I know that God is trying to teach me something. I know that He is banging on that block head of mine, and poking at my heart, to change the way I am experiencing this situation. But (Surprise! Surprise!) I am proving to be extremely stubborn. I just want to flounder in my sadness for a bit longer Lord...

Fortunately for me, He is not allowing that. Life goes on despite my best efforts to avoid change. My daughter Noel is growing daily in her love of the life that God has given her. Her desire to grow closer to her Creator makes me want to sing. And my son Christian is eating everything in sight and growing like a weed. He has been gifted with a mechanical mind that absolutely amazes me...

My load is lightened by all the blessings that surround me daily. I feel the stress burning off my soul like the sun shining through the fog. I trust that Michael is doing the work that God has planned for him to do. This is not the path I would have chosen for him. But God, in His wisdom, has placed him where he needs to be. I am blessed to watch my daughter growing into a faithful woman. I am excited to see what God has planned for Christian. And Kayla, my daughter-in-law, is a constant source of inspiration for me. Her ability to share her husband with us, his parents, brings tears of joy to my eyes. She is truly the Christian partner I prayed he would marry some day.

I need a forceful reminder to trust the changes that are inevitable. God is the Master Planner. All I need to do is enjoy the ride and accept with Grace what he chooses to send my way...

Joel 2:21
Be not afraid, O land; be glad and rejoice. Surely the LORD has done great things.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.