50 Confessions

A fellow blogger and friend, my daughter in law Kayla, did 50 confessions in her blog. So here are my confessions, pitiful as they may be:

1. I feel inadequate in many areas of my life. Different areas - different days.

2. My hair is grey/white. Totally. Only my stylist knows exactly the natural color content of my naked hair. Very scary thought.

3. I am a Christian. This is the single most important confession I could, and ever will make.

4. I love to write/blog/argue/read the written word. Reading is one of the supreme joys of my life.

5. I can feel myself getting older. This is not necessarily a bad thing, just a fact that is VERY hard to deny.

6. Sometimes I feel like I am the single inhabitant of my very own expression zone, and other people misinterpret me all the time. Maybe I am speaking some distinctly different and unknown type of English. Or maybe this is because I am the mother of teenagers.

7. My life has been full of surprises, tragedies, traumas, and dramatics. I have benefited from each one.

8. I am the biological daughter of Bernard Meacham. This is not the man that I loved, argued with and was expected to call DAD for 45 years of my life. I really don't even know him, and am not sure I have the courage it would take to have an actual relationship with him.

9. I expect honesty from the people whom I love and value. I DETEST dishonesty. I can cope with a multitude of disappointments, but dishonesty is one thing that I do not abide.

10. I have Type II diabetes. While this is a serious medical condition, there is also a serious embarrassment factor that goes along with this territory. This disease seems to scream to innocent onlookers "I am overweight, and not willing to change this fact to save the healthy state of my life". Sorry friends. It ain't that easy.

11. I love a roaring crazy laugh with anyone. Hardy har har har!!! :)

12. Knitting brings me solitude and prayer time.

13. My husband's dog Lucky drives me crazy. He is a great dog...for some other unsuspecting family! I would give him away, to the right person, in one breath. No holds barred. Here is the leash and food and poop bags. Oh, and don't forget to get yourself a very expensive vacuum cleaner too! And maybe a case of Febreeze....

14. Number 13 brings me to this notion: I am cold-hearted. Yep. The truth is finally out. I have very little sympathy for most murky little life tragedies. I have been known, however, to indulge in my own nasty life dramas, and expect others to treat me with care, and even sympathize with my situation. Should I call that selfish??? Life is tough. Wear a helmet.

15. I love my mother and father in law. I have been blessed to marry into the Schommer family and receive the gift of stable, practical in laws who treat me like a daughter. This has been one of the most pleasant surprises and blessings in my adult life!

16. I want to understand the male mind. I don't think this will ever happen.

17. I love my husband with my whole heart and soul. He is a gift from the Lord. He is my lifelong friend and confidant. He has given me my precious children. What more can I say? He is amazing.

18. I am the blessed mother of four. Michael's identical twin brother died at birth. His short time here (most of it in my belly) touched the lives of many people and forever changed my perception of life...I love you Thomas. You are in my heart every day.

19. I dearly loved my mom. She always let me know just how special I was to her. Dementia, secrets, and lies made her into the enemy at the end of her life. Funny thing is, I know that she did the best that she could, and my love for her has changed, but not diminished by one little bit.

20. God has blessed me with the gift of being a great hairstylist! I love my job! I get to make people look and feel better! It doesn't get much better than that! And to top it off, many of my clients are friends and mentors who have had a great impact on my life. God has a plan! That is apparent in my life!

21. I am sick and tired of being a hottie, or hot momma, whichever you prefer. Before you start thinking that I am a very egotistical person, let me add that these tags refer to body heat and sweating. If your furnace ever fails, just give me a call and I will be happy to come on over and share the heat...Ugh! Will this middle aged nastiness ever end?

22. I love to have a margarita, a long island iced tea, or a Bud Lime Light. Two is just about my limit, as my children will quickly point out to you.

23. One of the simple pleasures in life is sheets right off the line!

24. Another simple pleasure....a homemade cappuccino out on the deck on a sunny cool morning. Or a daughter in law that works at Starbucks.

25. I am looking forward to being a grandma. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Baby Schommer, and his parents! I do believe it will be an incredible journey.

26. I am a middle of the night insomniac. I can always fall asleep. Unfortunately it usually only lasts about 3 or 4 hours. Then my brain takes over and I spend about an hour solving world problems in my head, and tossing and turning to beat the band. Another middle aged craziness that will probably be a fact of my life for a while to come.

27. Christian is the kid that can always make me laugh. Always. Even when it is inappropriate for me to laugh. My bad...

28. Noel can outdo me in the organizational realm any day. She is bossy, happy, and self assured. These things will serve her well in life. And she loves me unconditionally.

29. Michael is my kid who is a study in opposites. He can put me to shame in many areas of knowledge, and he can also put me to shame by the amount of mess he can leave around as a personal trail of what he has eaten and worn throughout the day. God bless his unsuspecting and patient wife.

30. I love nothing better than a serious discussion or debate. Sometimes this terrifies potential friends.

31. I adore babies. Little, big, cute, sleeping, crying, giggling, or fussing. They all make my heart happy. I especially enjoy witnessing the embarrassing things that other people's little ones do. This will never fail to make me smile and/or laugh out loud.

32. My cheeks get red at the slightest hint of embarrassment or nervousness. It is very disgusting that people can read me with ease. I would like be able to hide my feelings at times.

33. I pray often for my friends and family who are not Christians. I want them to share the joy of knowing the Truth. I want them to have eternity with Jesus. I now I will be there. I would like them to join me.

37. I can fall to tears at the drop of a hat. This has not always been the case. It seems life experience has taught me how to let go.

38. I do not have an inner beast.

39. My children are my pride and joy.

40. I cannot do 50 confessions. There is nothing left to say. So I will stop here because I find that I want to repeat myself. And then it is no longer a confession, right? I guess I am not the mysterious person I thought myself to be! So maybe the joke is on me....

I just want to finish up with the following Bible verse which was texted to me by friend who knew I was having a difficult day. Her prayers and willingness to share lead me to a kinder and gentler path, and God laid an answer on my heart. If you are in need today, I hope this will help:





I Peter 3:8-12

8Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10For,
"Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
11He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.
12For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

What Do You Believe?

A pastor friend of mine stated, in a very public forum, that I need to "seriously figure out what I believe". Wow. Those are very stern words, a very direct statement, that deserves an answer. So bear with me as I verbalize on my life beliefs.

First and foremost, I am a Christian, through His grace and His work in me, which is not yet completed. God is daily growing me, and He has plans and purpose for my life.

What does it mean, to me, to be a Christian? I have been chosen by God to be His child. God created me, His only son Jesus redeemed me with His very life on the cross, and the Holy Spirit is the mover and shaker in my life, granting me daily with the gift of faith. I am truly blessed.

I believe that I am a sinner, and that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Only through Him will I spend eternity in heaven. It is a daily joy to know that I will one day see my Savior's face!

I love to share the Word with anyone who is willing to listen, and I pray that each day I am living a life that tells others that I am striving to please God. I also know that I repeatedly fall short of this goal, but my loving Lord always gives me another chance. I can hope for no greater gift than for Jesus to choose me as His vessel, that He will use me to touch someone's life or give someone His hope. I see God at work in my life in the bad times, good days, and forgettable moments.

I am not special. I am saved. This is the personal story of believers everywhere. God offers this promise to each living person. Our loving Father wants us ALL to abide in his love. He freely offers what money cannot buy - Eternity with Him. I am going to pray on these things tonight, thanks to my friend in Christ who cared enough to ask.



John 14:6
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Galatians 6:14
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

Precious Life

I have had the unusual pleasure recently of enjoying a 3 month old infant who is basically a stranger! My daughter in law, Kayla, was watching her cousin's son Brayden, and brought him over to our home so I could get a "baby fix"! I played with him, bathed him, changed his diapers, and just truly delighted in the lovely little perfection of his whole being! And believe me, this bouncing baby boy was perfect...perfectly adorable, perfectly content, perfectly formed, and perfectly delightful! There is nothing comparable to the happiness that a new life can bring to my day. He enchanted me, and I fell in love with him!

I can't help but ponder my first grandchild who is, at this very moment, growing and forming in his mother's womb. I see the little baby bump starting to appear, and my mind's eye can already put a face and personality on this child! I am SURE that he (sex unknown, just an easy way to refer to the little one) will be wonderful, superb, amazing and breathtaking! How could it be otherwise, when his parents are some of my favorite people in the world? I know he will have a brilliant future surrounded by so many lovely people who already love him and eagerly anticipate his appearance.

I have a relentless and strong desire to reach out my hand to touch this little one. His momma is very kind about sharing this joy with me, and generously lets me rest my hand on her little baby bump whenever the yearning overcomes my sense of will power! This is my son's first child! Just allowing myself to think those words gives me goose bumps! Tears form behind my eyes as I think of the world that will be his! God created this tiny treasure, knows each hair on his head, and will never forsake the person who he will be! God has a plan for this life scheduled to enter the world in 6 short months. I am overwhelmed with joy that I will soon be a grandma! I am a part of His plan for this new life!



Psalm 16:11

11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Is this Joy?????

I have come to anticipate hurdles in life...I would guess that I have had more unusual "troubles" than most. In reaction to these events of my past, my heart and soul have been trained to always be on guard, my senses have been honed to expect the unexpected, and my eyes and ears are always on the lookout for anything even mildly remarkable. Somewhere in between all these obligations, I still have to find the time to live...Sound exciting? At times it has been exhilarating! At times my emotions have been pushed to the breaking point. And yet again, there has disappointment and discouragement. I must admit that my talent for sniffing out trouble has sidetracked my anticipation of the good and happy times.

Yesterday my son Michael and his wife Kayla drove home from Fort Riley, Kansas for a seventeen day leave prior to his deployment to Iraq. Excitement? Elation? Anticipation? These words do not even begin to touch on all the emotions that were racing around inside my head! It had been 3 months since they had left. They set out on their journey to Kansas as very young military newlyweds. They were arriving home to Cedar Grove as expectant parents! Both Kayla's family and my family were eagerly awaiting the moment when they would physically step back into our lives...

Let me give you a brief glimpse into that moment from my point of view. I was putting together a pan of lasagna in full expectation of a "welcome home" dinner. I would be the only one home when they arrived. Could this get any better? I would not have to share these first moments of selfish pleasure with anyone. And suddenly they were in my kitchen with hugs, kisses and smiles of happiness! I couldn't get enough of just looking at them, knowing they had made it home safe, and enjoying the visible evidence of the happiness of their love for each other! This is a mom's dream come true!

So we did all the things that newly reunited parents and children have done throughout the ages...We ate home cooked food, and filled the quietness with the chattings of catching up. Happiness! Need I say more?

About an hour later they walked out the door to visit with Kayla's family. Once again I was alone in my quiet home. Suddenly my stomach was twirling and I felt physically ill. I was having a hard time grasping what the problem was...And then the tears started to stream down my face. Honestly, as pitiful as this sounds, I have to admit that I was not prepared for the extra measure of joy that had been poured into my life! My cup WAS overflowing, and my heart did not instantly recognize this sensation! My poor self had been more tuned into the possibility of disaster rather than the anticipation of great joy. An unexpected change of events had caught me by surprise! My careful heart did not know how to react.

I am so blessed! I learned a very beneficial life lesson yesterday. I am going to switch the flow of my "disaster" training and start actively reaching out for the JOY! It is abundant! It is mine! It is all around me! This huge Love is nothing short of a miracle...a gift that God himself had planned for MY life. Just the realization of His grace directed at my life, for me, is overwhelming in an infinte way! God did not grant me this life to just be lived. He wants me to have the full measure of Joy that He long ago planned for my life! My new theme will be to live that joy each and everyday. Even when the hurdles present themselves, I will turn to the Lord to show me His abundant joy.



Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

John 10:10
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Jesus