The Gift of Giving

For many reasons, the season of giving has made me reflect upon my own gifting choices. All the normal questions have popped up: what does the reciever want, what does the reciever need, what can I afford???? We all go through theses decisions when we are in the midst of the gift giving process.

A few years ago, I made the committment to be a hairstylist on Fridays at two local assisted living facilities; Cedar Grove Gardens I, and Belgium Gardens. Please do not make any assumptions as to the generosity of this choice. I want you to know that this is a job. I recieve financial compensation for each head of hair that I do. And yet, some days I feel pretty generous because it is a very physical job that takes a huge reserve of patience and kindness. When I am done with my Fridays at the Gardens, I am exhausted! I have given it my all!

This year part of my gift giving dilemna centered around my elderly friends. This is a difficult choice, as these ladies live in one room, and really don't have the space for or need another thing.

I love these ladies. I love their spunk, wisdom, and, yes, even their sometime disgust at still living here on earth. I really wanted to do something for them that would make a difference in their lives. Tough assignment, when many are broaching or boasting 90 years, more or less.

I decdided to give each of them a fancy discloth that I had knit myself. These dandy little circles are pretty, and many use them as doilies. So I gathered up my wares of many colors and headed for the Gardens.

As I completed each woman's hair, I offered her the choice of one of my humble, and what I thought might be silly, gifts. And much to my surprise, each woman was excited to take her pick. "You made this for ME?" "You made this yourself?" "Oh, how pretty!!"

And from each and every woman, I received an unexpected gift...a hug and a smile!

This process of gift giving started out being about me...what I could give, what I could share, what I thought would be useful, how could I change their day? But, my oh my, I learned a huge lesson at the Gardens this Christmas Eve Day. I gave of myself, and they gave back. I had no idea that something so simple would be an event that brightened my elderly friends hearts, and was returned to me in a bigger and better way! I had been outdone! I felt so blessed It is not often that I have seen the joy of amazement and surprise in the eyes of an adult gift recipient. My heart was and is FULL. And many times that day I felt my eyes brimming with tears of joy.

I can't help but reflect upon the life of my mother who passed away a year ago this December. She, too, lived at Belgium Gardens for the last year of her life. She was a difficult woman as she grew older. She was angry, depressed and childish. She was not fun to be around. She was the butt of many family disappointments and arguments. It has taken me the better part of 2009 to actually miss her. (I am ashamed of this, although it is the truth.) But as this year has gone by, some of the good memories have been revived and the sadness of the later years of her life has begun to fade. Many people gave of themselves to my mom, when my sister and I were struggling with that ability. I am so happy I can return that favor today to my friends at the Gardens.

I truly believe that we have been put here to love one another. That is not always an easy job. But never underestimate the power of a kind word, a hug, or even just a listening ear. I have had the joy of receiving each of these things in a time of need. God loves it when we love each other!

Let me close by saying that the best gift of all is Jesus Christ our saviour. He was born to be the King of kings, and Lord of lords. He came here to die for us, to take our sins. God made flesh. We are a blessed people. Turn to him. He wants you.

Merry Christmas to all! And God bless you everyone!

So Sorry

I have not been a faithful blogger lately. I have been unable to find the inspiration to write about something meaningful. I have felt limp and incapable. And there has been another hurdle. I upset someone dear to me with the my written words. I am still really not quite clear on what upset her so much, but after some serious consideration, and encouragement from like-minded friends, I have decided to continue to share my thoughts on whatever crosses my mind.

So lately I have been thinking about how God uses our weaknesses to His benefit. I am surely a weak woman. I am a sinner, an outlaw to Gods rules. I often disappoint myself, my family and friends. I can only imagine how saddened Christ is by my actions, and/or my failure to act. I am not saying these things so someone can praise my efforts and make me feel better. I am saying them because they are true. As a christian woman, I am fully aware of my shortcomings. And believe me, they are many. But here is the thing....God knows how to take those inadequacies and faults and turn them into tools. He has made and redeemed me, and only he knows me inside and out. He is wise beyond my understanding so I should never underestimate His power and ability.

One of my weaknesses is opening myself up to others. I have developed, through experience, the idea that exposing my innermost feelings makes me a target for hurt and rejection. And I fall prey to that lie often. I don't like to upset or hurt the ones I love, or anyone for that matter. But sometimes doing the right thing does just that. I feel called to share my experiences, and relate them to my Christian life. If this is painful to the reader, then please abstain...

I cannot pretend to be something I am not. I need this space to express my thanks, blessings, questions, and faith. And I pray daily that God will use me in a productive way, the way that He sees fit, to His purpose. I trust that this blog is a part of that job.



John 16:33

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

Unexpected Blessings

This past weekend I went on a much dreaded journey. My husband, and two youngest kids accompanied me. It was a journey of much hesitation and doubt. Because of my families encouragement and strength, this thing is accomplished. It is a part of my personal history. I am relieved. I am a very blessed woman. I make this statement in the most serious of manners. God is good. He is faithful and I am continuously amazed at His grace. Even in my unworthiness, God chooses to make me the recipient of many good things.

I am proud and awed by the lives of my teenagers. They are a testament to the fact that life is a joy, a pleasure, a challenge. Noel has charmed even the most difficult personalities into submission. She can take a bad situation and look for the silver lining. She smiles, and my heart melts. But mostly, she just loves me for the mom that I am to her. And that makes me happy. I value her opinion and benefit from her respect. She has pushed me to rely on God, when I have been tempted to rely on things much less dependable.

And then there is Christian... He always has a smile on! He doesn't talk a lot about his faith, but he lives it. He accepts those around him with kindness and joy. He embraces the strengths of others and chooses to emulate them. He strives to take the high road when the choice really matters. I am proud of him, and know that I can always count on my Christian for a hug and a laugh. Let me just add here that he makes the craziest faces!

I delight in my husband. He has made it very clear to anyone who will listen that it makes no difference how I got here. He loves me, and he knows the great blessing that our children are. He is not afraid to voice his love, even when I sometimes find it embarrassing. He inspires me to greater heights. He is my rock, and I know that I can always count on him for support and encouragement.

This weekend may have been a bit scary. I certainly tried to wiggle out of it a few times. And it does take effort to look through the uncomfortable or awkward to see the awesome! It seems pretty clear that God was giving me a much needed reminder that I am constantly surrounded with His love. The times of my life are what He has planned for me!



Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Ch ch ch changes

I have not been feeling very good lately. Physically, I have been struggling with the consequences of a very strong antibiotic that has left my digestive system lacking in the healthy bacteria that facilitates vigorous digestion. Emotionally, I am just tired and drained. Mentally...well, that has always been questionable! But I am sure that my physical and emotional struggles have left the mental capabilities even weaker than normal!

I have discovered that change is not my forte. This is not a new concept. but it has been reinforced in this last year in a huge way due to events beyond my control. Now there is a big admission... I am NOT in control. God has given me many huge reminders recently.

I am a firm believer in indulging in a short term pity party when life presents you with crappy situations. Then pick yourself up, pray to God for the strength you need, and GET ON WITH IT!!!! With regret, I must admit that I have not felt strong enough to follow my own advice. Consequently, I have been wallowing in the sadness and difficulty of change.

A couple of weeks ago, Michael, my oldest son, deployed for Iraq. It still doesn't seem real though I was there to witness his departure. When I hear his voice through the phone line from Kuwait I can convince myself that he is just a few blocks away, home with his wife, where they are snuggling together on the couch. My husband frequently says that denial can be a wonderful tool, but life will eventually catch up with you! His prediction is correct!

Change has been in the air for about a year now, but this has been the biggest adjustment yet. I need to remind myself that my son and his fellow soldiers volunteered for this duty, and are proud to serve! And I am proud beyond reason of him and his desire to help others. But I still don't have to LIKE this situation! Or do I?

I know that God is trying to teach me something. I know that He is banging on that block head of mine, and poking at my heart, to change the way I am experiencing this situation. But (Surprise! Surprise!) I am proving to be extremely stubborn. I just want to flounder in my sadness for a bit longer Lord...

Fortunately for me, He is not allowing that. Life goes on despite my best efforts to avoid change. My daughter Noel is growing daily in her love of the life that God has given her. Her desire to grow closer to her Creator makes me want to sing. And my son Christian is eating everything in sight and growing like a weed. He has been gifted with a mechanical mind that absolutely amazes me...

My load is lightened by all the blessings that surround me daily. I feel the stress burning off my soul like the sun shining through the fog. I trust that Michael is doing the work that God has planned for him to do. This is not the path I would have chosen for him. But God, in His wisdom, has placed him where he needs to be. I am blessed to watch my daughter growing into a faithful woman. I am excited to see what God has planned for Christian. And Kayla, my daughter-in-law, is a constant source of inspiration for me. Her ability to share her husband with us, his parents, brings tears of joy to my eyes. She is truly the Christian partner I prayed he would marry some day.

I need a forceful reminder to trust the changes that are inevitable. God is the Master Planner. All I need to do is enjoy the ride and accept with Grace what he chooses to send my way...

Joel 2:21
Be not afraid, O land; be glad and rejoice. Surely the LORD has done great things.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

50 Confessions

A fellow blogger and friend, my daughter in law Kayla, did 50 confessions in her blog. So here are my confessions, pitiful as they may be:

1. I feel inadequate in many areas of my life. Different areas - different days.

2. My hair is grey/white. Totally. Only my stylist knows exactly the natural color content of my naked hair. Very scary thought.

3. I am a Christian. This is the single most important confession I could, and ever will make.

4. I love to write/blog/argue/read the written word. Reading is one of the supreme joys of my life.

5. I can feel myself getting older. This is not necessarily a bad thing, just a fact that is VERY hard to deny.

6. Sometimes I feel like I am the single inhabitant of my very own expression zone, and other people misinterpret me all the time. Maybe I am speaking some distinctly different and unknown type of English. Or maybe this is because I am the mother of teenagers.

7. My life has been full of surprises, tragedies, traumas, and dramatics. I have benefited from each one.

8. I am the biological daughter of Bernard Meacham. This is not the man that I loved, argued with and was expected to call DAD for 45 years of my life. I really don't even know him, and am not sure I have the courage it would take to have an actual relationship with him.

9. I expect honesty from the people whom I love and value. I DETEST dishonesty. I can cope with a multitude of disappointments, but dishonesty is one thing that I do not abide.

10. I have Type II diabetes. While this is a serious medical condition, there is also a serious embarrassment factor that goes along with this territory. This disease seems to scream to innocent onlookers "I am overweight, and not willing to change this fact to save the healthy state of my life". Sorry friends. It ain't that easy.

11. I love a roaring crazy laugh with anyone. Hardy har har har!!! :)

12. Knitting brings me solitude and prayer time.

13. My husband's dog Lucky drives me crazy. He is a great dog...for some other unsuspecting family! I would give him away, to the right person, in one breath. No holds barred. Here is the leash and food and poop bags. Oh, and don't forget to get yourself a very expensive vacuum cleaner too! And maybe a case of Febreeze....

14. Number 13 brings me to this notion: I am cold-hearted. Yep. The truth is finally out. I have very little sympathy for most murky little life tragedies. I have been known, however, to indulge in my own nasty life dramas, and expect others to treat me with care, and even sympathize with my situation. Should I call that selfish??? Life is tough. Wear a helmet.

15. I love my mother and father in law. I have been blessed to marry into the Schommer family and receive the gift of stable, practical in laws who treat me like a daughter. This has been one of the most pleasant surprises and blessings in my adult life!

16. I want to understand the male mind. I don't think this will ever happen.

17. I love my husband with my whole heart and soul. He is a gift from the Lord. He is my lifelong friend and confidant. He has given me my precious children. What more can I say? He is amazing.

18. I am the blessed mother of four. Michael's identical twin brother died at birth. His short time here (most of it in my belly) touched the lives of many people and forever changed my perception of life...I love you Thomas. You are in my heart every day.

19. I dearly loved my mom. She always let me know just how special I was to her. Dementia, secrets, and lies made her into the enemy at the end of her life. Funny thing is, I know that she did the best that she could, and my love for her has changed, but not diminished by one little bit.

20. God has blessed me with the gift of being a great hairstylist! I love my job! I get to make people look and feel better! It doesn't get much better than that! And to top it off, many of my clients are friends and mentors who have had a great impact on my life. God has a plan! That is apparent in my life!

21. I am sick and tired of being a hottie, or hot momma, whichever you prefer. Before you start thinking that I am a very egotistical person, let me add that these tags refer to body heat and sweating. If your furnace ever fails, just give me a call and I will be happy to come on over and share the heat...Ugh! Will this middle aged nastiness ever end?

22. I love to have a margarita, a long island iced tea, or a Bud Lime Light. Two is just about my limit, as my children will quickly point out to you.

23. One of the simple pleasures in life is sheets right off the line!

24. Another simple pleasure....a homemade cappuccino out on the deck on a sunny cool morning. Or a daughter in law that works at Starbucks.

25. I am looking forward to being a grandma. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Baby Schommer, and his parents! I do believe it will be an incredible journey.

26. I am a middle of the night insomniac. I can always fall asleep. Unfortunately it usually only lasts about 3 or 4 hours. Then my brain takes over and I spend about an hour solving world problems in my head, and tossing and turning to beat the band. Another middle aged craziness that will probably be a fact of my life for a while to come.

27. Christian is the kid that can always make me laugh. Always. Even when it is inappropriate for me to laugh. My bad...

28. Noel can outdo me in the organizational realm any day. She is bossy, happy, and self assured. These things will serve her well in life. And she loves me unconditionally.

29. Michael is my kid who is a study in opposites. He can put me to shame in many areas of knowledge, and he can also put me to shame by the amount of mess he can leave around as a personal trail of what he has eaten and worn throughout the day. God bless his unsuspecting and patient wife.

30. I love nothing better than a serious discussion or debate. Sometimes this terrifies potential friends.

31. I adore babies. Little, big, cute, sleeping, crying, giggling, or fussing. They all make my heart happy. I especially enjoy witnessing the embarrassing things that other people's little ones do. This will never fail to make me smile and/or laugh out loud.

32. My cheeks get red at the slightest hint of embarrassment or nervousness. It is very disgusting that people can read me with ease. I would like be able to hide my feelings at times.

33. I pray often for my friends and family who are not Christians. I want them to share the joy of knowing the Truth. I want them to have eternity with Jesus. I now I will be there. I would like them to join me.

37. I can fall to tears at the drop of a hat. This has not always been the case. It seems life experience has taught me how to let go.

38. I do not have an inner beast.

39. My children are my pride and joy.

40. I cannot do 50 confessions. There is nothing left to say. So I will stop here because I find that I want to repeat myself. And then it is no longer a confession, right? I guess I am not the mysterious person I thought myself to be! So maybe the joke is on me....

I just want to finish up with the following Bible verse which was texted to me by friend who knew I was having a difficult day. Her prayers and willingness to share lead me to a kinder and gentler path, and God laid an answer on my heart. If you are in need today, I hope this will help:





I Peter 3:8-12

8Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10For,
"Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
11He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.
12For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

What Do You Believe?

A pastor friend of mine stated, in a very public forum, that I need to "seriously figure out what I believe". Wow. Those are very stern words, a very direct statement, that deserves an answer. So bear with me as I verbalize on my life beliefs.

First and foremost, I am a Christian, through His grace and His work in me, which is not yet completed. God is daily growing me, and He has plans and purpose for my life.

What does it mean, to me, to be a Christian? I have been chosen by God to be His child. God created me, His only son Jesus redeemed me with His very life on the cross, and the Holy Spirit is the mover and shaker in my life, granting me daily with the gift of faith. I am truly blessed.

I believe that I am a sinner, and that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Only through Him will I spend eternity in heaven. It is a daily joy to know that I will one day see my Savior's face!

I love to share the Word with anyone who is willing to listen, and I pray that each day I am living a life that tells others that I am striving to please God. I also know that I repeatedly fall short of this goal, but my loving Lord always gives me another chance. I can hope for no greater gift than for Jesus to choose me as His vessel, that He will use me to touch someone's life or give someone His hope. I see God at work in my life in the bad times, good days, and forgettable moments.

I am not special. I am saved. This is the personal story of believers everywhere. God offers this promise to each living person. Our loving Father wants us ALL to abide in his love. He freely offers what money cannot buy - Eternity with Him. I am going to pray on these things tonight, thanks to my friend in Christ who cared enough to ask.



John 14:6
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Galatians 6:14
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

Precious Life

I have had the unusual pleasure recently of enjoying a 3 month old infant who is basically a stranger! My daughter in law, Kayla, was watching her cousin's son Brayden, and brought him over to our home so I could get a "baby fix"! I played with him, bathed him, changed his diapers, and just truly delighted in the lovely little perfection of his whole being! And believe me, this bouncing baby boy was perfect...perfectly adorable, perfectly content, perfectly formed, and perfectly delightful! There is nothing comparable to the happiness that a new life can bring to my day. He enchanted me, and I fell in love with him!

I can't help but ponder my first grandchild who is, at this very moment, growing and forming in his mother's womb. I see the little baby bump starting to appear, and my mind's eye can already put a face and personality on this child! I am SURE that he (sex unknown, just an easy way to refer to the little one) will be wonderful, superb, amazing and breathtaking! How could it be otherwise, when his parents are some of my favorite people in the world? I know he will have a brilliant future surrounded by so many lovely people who already love him and eagerly anticipate his appearance.

I have a relentless and strong desire to reach out my hand to touch this little one. His momma is very kind about sharing this joy with me, and generously lets me rest my hand on her little baby bump whenever the yearning overcomes my sense of will power! This is my son's first child! Just allowing myself to think those words gives me goose bumps! Tears form behind my eyes as I think of the world that will be his! God created this tiny treasure, knows each hair on his head, and will never forsake the person who he will be! God has a plan for this life scheduled to enter the world in 6 short months. I am overwhelmed with joy that I will soon be a grandma! I am a part of His plan for this new life!



Psalm 16:11

11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.