50 Confessions

A fellow blogger and friend, my daughter in law Kayla, did 50 confessions in her blog. So here are my confessions, pitiful as they may be:

1. I feel inadequate in many areas of my life. Different areas - different days.

2. My hair is grey/white. Totally. Only my stylist knows exactly the natural color content of my naked hair. Very scary thought.

3. I am a Christian. This is the single most important confession I could, and ever will make.

4. I love to write/blog/argue/read the written word. Reading is one of the supreme joys of my life.

5. I can feel myself getting older. This is not necessarily a bad thing, just a fact that is VERY hard to deny.

6. Sometimes I feel like I am the single inhabitant of my very own expression zone, and other people misinterpret me all the time. Maybe I am speaking some distinctly different and unknown type of English. Or maybe this is because I am the mother of teenagers.

7. My life has been full of surprises, tragedies, traumas, and dramatics. I have benefited from each one.

8. I am the biological daughter of Bernard Meacham. This is not the man that I loved, argued with and was expected to call DAD for 45 years of my life. I really don't even know him, and am not sure I have the courage it would take to have an actual relationship with him.

9. I expect honesty from the people whom I love and value. I DETEST dishonesty. I can cope with a multitude of disappointments, but dishonesty is one thing that I do not abide.

10. I have Type II diabetes. While this is a serious medical condition, there is also a serious embarrassment factor that goes along with this territory. This disease seems to scream to innocent onlookers "I am overweight, and not willing to change this fact to save the healthy state of my life". Sorry friends. It ain't that easy.

11. I love a roaring crazy laugh with anyone. Hardy har har har!!! :)

12. Knitting brings me solitude and prayer time.

13. My husband's dog Lucky drives me crazy. He is a great dog...for some other unsuspecting family! I would give him away, to the right person, in one breath. No holds barred. Here is the leash and food and poop bags. Oh, and don't forget to get yourself a very expensive vacuum cleaner too! And maybe a case of Febreeze....

14. Number 13 brings me to this notion: I am cold-hearted. Yep. The truth is finally out. I have very little sympathy for most murky little life tragedies. I have been known, however, to indulge in my own nasty life dramas, and expect others to treat me with care, and even sympathize with my situation. Should I call that selfish??? Life is tough. Wear a helmet.

15. I love my mother and father in law. I have been blessed to marry into the Schommer family and receive the gift of stable, practical in laws who treat me like a daughter. This has been one of the most pleasant surprises and blessings in my adult life!

16. I want to understand the male mind. I don't think this will ever happen.

17. I love my husband with my whole heart and soul. He is a gift from the Lord. He is my lifelong friend and confidant. He has given me my precious children. What more can I say? He is amazing.

18. I am the blessed mother of four. Michael's identical twin brother died at birth. His short time here (most of it in my belly) touched the lives of many people and forever changed my perception of life...I love you Thomas. You are in my heart every day.

19. I dearly loved my mom. She always let me know just how special I was to her. Dementia, secrets, and lies made her into the enemy at the end of her life. Funny thing is, I know that she did the best that she could, and my love for her has changed, but not diminished by one little bit.

20. God has blessed me with the gift of being a great hairstylist! I love my job! I get to make people look and feel better! It doesn't get much better than that! And to top it off, many of my clients are friends and mentors who have had a great impact on my life. God has a plan! That is apparent in my life!

21. I am sick and tired of being a hottie, or hot momma, whichever you prefer. Before you start thinking that I am a very egotistical person, let me add that these tags refer to body heat and sweating. If your furnace ever fails, just give me a call and I will be happy to come on over and share the heat...Ugh! Will this middle aged nastiness ever end?

22. I love to have a margarita, a long island iced tea, or a Bud Lime Light. Two is just about my limit, as my children will quickly point out to you.

23. One of the simple pleasures in life is sheets right off the line!

24. Another simple pleasure....a homemade cappuccino out on the deck on a sunny cool morning. Or a daughter in law that works at Starbucks.

25. I am looking forward to being a grandma. I can't wait to see what God has in store for Baby Schommer, and his parents! I do believe it will be an incredible journey.

26. I am a middle of the night insomniac. I can always fall asleep. Unfortunately it usually only lasts about 3 or 4 hours. Then my brain takes over and I spend about an hour solving world problems in my head, and tossing and turning to beat the band. Another middle aged craziness that will probably be a fact of my life for a while to come.

27. Christian is the kid that can always make me laugh. Always. Even when it is inappropriate for me to laugh. My bad...

28. Noel can outdo me in the organizational realm any day. She is bossy, happy, and self assured. These things will serve her well in life. And she loves me unconditionally.

29. Michael is my kid who is a study in opposites. He can put me to shame in many areas of knowledge, and he can also put me to shame by the amount of mess he can leave around as a personal trail of what he has eaten and worn throughout the day. God bless his unsuspecting and patient wife.

30. I love nothing better than a serious discussion or debate. Sometimes this terrifies potential friends.

31. I adore babies. Little, big, cute, sleeping, crying, giggling, or fussing. They all make my heart happy. I especially enjoy witnessing the embarrassing things that other people's little ones do. This will never fail to make me smile and/or laugh out loud.

32. My cheeks get red at the slightest hint of embarrassment or nervousness. It is very disgusting that people can read me with ease. I would like be able to hide my feelings at times.

33. I pray often for my friends and family who are not Christians. I want them to share the joy of knowing the Truth. I want them to have eternity with Jesus. I now I will be there. I would like them to join me.

37. I can fall to tears at the drop of a hat. This has not always been the case. It seems life experience has taught me how to let go.

38. I do not have an inner beast.

39. My children are my pride and joy.

40. I cannot do 50 confessions. There is nothing left to say. So I will stop here because I find that I want to repeat myself. And then it is no longer a confession, right? I guess I am not the mysterious person I thought myself to be! So maybe the joke is on me....

I just want to finish up with the following Bible verse which was texted to me by friend who knew I was having a difficult day. Her prayers and willingness to share lead me to a kinder and gentler path, and God laid an answer on my heart. If you are in need today, I hope this will help:





I Peter 3:8-12

8Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 9Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 10For,
"Whoever would love life
and see good days
must keep his tongue from evil
and his lips from deceitful speech.
11He must turn from evil and do good;
he must seek peace and pursue it.
12For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous
and his ears are attentive to their prayer,
but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil."

What Do You Believe?

A pastor friend of mine stated, in a very public forum, that I need to "seriously figure out what I believe". Wow. Those are very stern words, a very direct statement, that deserves an answer. So bear with me as I verbalize on my life beliefs.

First and foremost, I am a Christian, through His grace and His work in me, which is not yet completed. God is daily growing me, and He has plans and purpose for my life.

What does it mean, to me, to be a Christian? I have been chosen by God to be His child. God created me, His only son Jesus redeemed me with His very life on the cross, and the Holy Spirit is the mover and shaker in my life, granting me daily with the gift of faith. I am truly blessed.

I believe that I am a sinner, and that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. Only through Him will I spend eternity in heaven. It is a daily joy to know that I will one day see my Savior's face!

I love to share the Word with anyone who is willing to listen, and I pray that each day I am living a life that tells others that I am striving to please God. I also know that I repeatedly fall short of this goal, but my loving Lord always gives me another chance. I can hope for no greater gift than for Jesus to choose me as His vessel, that He will use me to touch someone's life or give someone His hope. I see God at work in my life in the bad times, good days, and forgettable moments.

I am not special. I am saved. This is the personal story of believers everywhere. God offers this promise to each living person. Our loving Father wants us ALL to abide in his love. He freely offers what money cannot buy - Eternity with Him. I am going to pray on these things tonight, thanks to my friend in Christ who cared enough to ask.



John 14:6
Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Galatians 6:14
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

Precious Life

I have had the unusual pleasure recently of enjoying a 3 month old infant who is basically a stranger! My daughter in law, Kayla, was watching her cousin's son Brayden, and brought him over to our home so I could get a "baby fix"! I played with him, bathed him, changed his diapers, and just truly delighted in the lovely little perfection of his whole being! And believe me, this bouncing baby boy was perfect...perfectly adorable, perfectly content, perfectly formed, and perfectly delightful! There is nothing comparable to the happiness that a new life can bring to my day. He enchanted me, and I fell in love with him!

I can't help but ponder my first grandchild who is, at this very moment, growing and forming in his mother's womb. I see the little baby bump starting to appear, and my mind's eye can already put a face and personality on this child! I am SURE that he (sex unknown, just an easy way to refer to the little one) will be wonderful, superb, amazing and breathtaking! How could it be otherwise, when his parents are some of my favorite people in the world? I know he will have a brilliant future surrounded by so many lovely people who already love him and eagerly anticipate his appearance.

I have a relentless and strong desire to reach out my hand to touch this little one. His momma is very kind about sharing this joy with me, and generously lets me rest my hand on her little baby bump whenever the yearning overcomes my sense of will power! This is my son's first child! Just allowing myself to think those words gives me goose bumps! Tears form behind my eyes as I think of the world that will be his! God created this tiny treasure, knows each hair on his head, and will never forsake the person who he will be! God has a plan for this life scheduled to enter the world in 6 short months. I am overwhelmed with joy that I will soon be a grandma! I am a part of His plan for this new life!



Psalm 16:11

11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Is this Joy?????

I have come to anticipate hurdles in life...I would guess that I have had more unusual "troubles" than most. In reaction to these events of my past, my heart and soul have been trained to always be on guard, my senses have been honed to expect the unexpected, and my eyes and ears are always on the lookout for anything even mildly remarkable. Somewhere in between all these obligations, I still have to find the time to live...Sound exciting? At times it has been exhilarating! At times my emotions have been pushed to the breaking point. And yet again, there has disappointment and discouragement. I must admit that my talent for sniffing out trouble has sidetracked my anticipation of the good and happy times.

Yesterday my son Michael and his wife Kayla drove home from Fort Riley, Kansas for a seventeen day leave prior to his deployment to Iraq. Excitement? Elation? Anticipation? These words do not even begin to touch on all the emotions that were racing around inside my head! It had been 3 months since they had left. They set out on their journey to Kansas as very young military newlyweds. They were arriving home to Cedar Grove as expectant parents! Both Kayla's family and my family were eagerly awaiting the moment when they would physically step back into our lives...

Let me give you a brief glimpse into that moment from my point of view. I was putting together a pan of lasagna in full expectation of a "welcome home" dinner. I would be the only one home when they arrived. Could this get any better? I would not have to share these first moments of selfish pleasure with anyone. And suddenly they were in my kitchen with hugs, kisses and smiles of happiness! I couldn't get enough of just looking at them, knowing they had made it home safe, and enjoying the visible evidence of the happiness of their love for each other! This is a mom's dream come true!

So we did all the things that newly reunited parents and children have done throughout the ages...We ate home cooked food, and filled the quietness with the chattings of catching up. Happiness! Need I say more?

About an hour later they walked out the door to visit with Kayla's family. Once again I was alone in my quiet home. Suddenly my stomach was twirling and I felt physically ill. I was having a hard time grasping what the problem was...And then the tears started to stream down my face. Honestly, as pitiful as this sounds, I have to admit that I was not prepared for the extra measure of joy that had been poured into my life! My cup WAS overflowing, and my heart did not instantly recognize this sensation! My poor self had been more tuned into the possibility of disaster rather than the anticipation of great joy. An unexpected change of events had caught me by surprise! My careful heart did not know how to react.

I am so blessed! I learned a very beneficial life lesson yesterday. I am going to switch the flow of my "disaster" training and start actively reaching out for the JOY! It is abundant! It is mine! It is all around me! This huge Love is nothing short of a miracle...a gift that God himself had planned for MY life. Just the realization of His grace directed at my life, for me, is overwhelming in an infinte way! God did not grant me this life to just be lived. He wants me to have the full measure of Joy that He long ago planned for my life! My new theme will be to live that joy each and everyday. Even when the hurdles present themselves, I will turn to the Lord to show me His abundant joy.



Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

John 10:10
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." Jesus

Letting Go...

There is nothing in this world that brings me quite as much delight as my children! Each one is a miracle to behold, a true gift from God. You might be asking yourself if I could possibly be a bit prejudice? Could be! But, then again, most of you could understand that point of view and probably have some pretty amazing kids of your own! Perhaps ALMOST as amazing as Michael, Noel,and Christian!

Christian is our thirteen year old, the youngest of the bunch. He has lived a very dangerous life in those thirteen short years. He is our accident waiting to happen. He has recently started working at a nearby farm. His duties include feeding the calves, and helping with the milking, both of which tend to be very messy and stinky. The concept of actually being paid for this very cool work is almost ecstatically overwhelming for him, and it shows daily in his enthusiasm and smile! Christian is funny, physical, and loving. He makes me laugh each and every day. I can't wait to witness the man he is becoming.

Noel is our one and only daughter. She is fifteen, and blossoming into an assertive, faithful and confident young woman. She is a singing machine, and her voice makes my breath catch! My relationship with her is full of fun, sarcasm, and static! She is, of course, beautiful. And did I mention that she has awesome hair? She is a bundle of opposites, and watching her sort through these feelings and emotions displays to me just what a strong personality she is. Today she brought me home a treat, and told me "This is just because you are my mom". Nothing could have made me happier.

Michael is 19,our oldest child. His identical twin, Thomas, died at birth. The fact that he survived our parenting is proof positive that God is alive and well! Michael is an assistant chaplain in the U.S. Army. He and his wife Kayla are expecting their first child in February. They are currently stationed at Fort Riley in Kansas, but he will soon be deployed to Iraq. Michael has a faith that teaches me about loving the Lord. He is steadfast, honest, and rebellious. Quite the combination!

So here is my point in sharing all this with you...

My children are growing more independent each day. They have lives of their own, and Bob and I have had many years of opportunity to nurture and teach them about the "things" they will need in life...strong faith, morals, and kindness. After holding on so tightly for so many years, I can feel the tension on the apron strings. Now, I must learn how to start letting go.

The whole idea of one of my children being a soldier is just starting to sink in. In concept, I love the idea of serving our country. I think it is an honorable and brave job to do. But this is not just any kid, it is OUR kid...

So here is the deal. My adult child volunteered for this job. We are proud to bursting with his choice. He is leaving the safety of the USA to attend to others who need our help. This is how we brought him up, and truly a part of his personality. Believe me when I say that there is pain in my heart that I cannot even begin to describe. I knew this day would come. I just can't believe that it is almost here. And the reality that our other two children will soon pursue dreams of their own, maybe not in Cedar Grove, WI is also becoming quite clear to me. This circle of events has been going on since the beginning of time. I knew when our family first started that these children were just here on loan to us from God. This is the way it is supposed to happen. So why is this so complicated?

Dear Lord, I know that you know my needs before I do. Please, fill this aching heart, and give me the strength to take joy in the "leaving" of my children. Give my heart the fullness it needs to let go. And remind me to lean on You even when the going isn't tough. WE are in your keeping, Lord. I know I will be safe there, as will my children according to your promise. Hold us close dear Lord. And remind me daily that our safety has nothing to do with our situation, and everything to do with your ever watchful care. Amen





Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in him

Not So Much...

Life can certainly be funny...And then again, sometimes, not so much.

Recent events in my life, and the lives of loved ones, have me contemplating on relationships. Friend to friend, spouse to spouse, parent to child. Time can either nurture and affirm these connections, or erode them to a bare nothingness. Our time here is too important to let even one tragedy break the bonds of any basically loving relationship.

Throughout the years of my marriage, and that would be 23, my husband and I have developed own personal code for marriage. Now, I am perfectly aware that 23 years does not an expert make me. On the other hand, in a society where half of all marriages end in divorce, I know that some of our coping skills have worked wonders. Let me inject here that spousal support and involvement is an enormous part of this personal success.

Our first rule of thumb is to usually use respect when dealing with disagreements. I say usually because I have certainly stooped to some not so wonderful retorts when backed into a corner. I can blatantly tell you that these moments were neither successful or proud... So respect it is. And the funny thing? When I use this "tactic" I usually end up on the receiving end of the very same thing! Amazing! Treat your spouse with respect and love and it comes bouncing right back at you.

And how about a dose of kindness and generosity? There is nothing more freeing then when someone excuses a mistake I have made, and gives me the chance to redeem myself! This kind of trust makes me want to do a better job, not just next time but always. There is nothing that affirms a long term relationship better than being given the room to make mistakes, learn from them, and improve with experience.

Honesty is the best policy. What a cliche! But one thing I cannot abide is deceitfulness. Trust grows when honesty is practiced. There is no single concept that could make a marriage flourish with greater success! Look each other in the eye, hold hands, and experience the delight of honesty!

Lastly, go the extra mile. Do a little something each day that says "I love you"! This can really be a challenge at those times when the road is rough, but that is when it makes a difference. It IS the little blessings in life that can make your day happier! I love nothing better than when my husband pours me a cup of coffee just the way I like it, or takes time out of his busy day off to drive me to work simply because he would like some "alone" time with me. These little gestures make me feel important and lovable, some things that on a daily basis can be pretty hard to come by.

For those of you who know us, I hope you see these things at work in our marriage. We are nothing more or less than sinful mortals, and we do make mistakes. And, yes, we have had terrible, horrible and tragic incidents in our lives together, and you have probably heard us utter a sour word here and there. We have, at times, treated each other with less than loving words and actions. But those things, from experience, do not work for our relationship. When in doubt, be generous, kind, loving, and patient.

Let me just end with this passage from a very reliable source:
Psalm 86:15
But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

What awesome words! There is no greater mentor for any of our relationships then Him!

I am a Patriot

I have always considered myself a patriotic citizen. I was brought up to be proud of our country, our flag, and the men and women who volunteer to serve in the military. My dad was a veteran of WWII, and he instilled in me a healthy respect for all things American. I will forever be thankful to Dad for this part of my character. As an adult, that feeling has grown stronger. I am now the proud parent of a soldier, and more fiercely protective of our rights and freedoms than ever before.

So what exactly is patriotism? According to Wikipedia, it is the love and/or devotion for one's country. I would agree with that definition, but would prefer to take it a step or two deeper.

I know it is not fashionable to be a patriot. On that note, I feel that patriotism, at least the type that I celebrate, is not a political concept. For me, it revolves more around the people that live beside me in the daily grind of life. I mean...WE THE PEOPLE.

Why is it so easy to overlook the amazing things that have happened here in America? I can marry the man of my choosing, select the food I would like to eat, buy the clothes whose style fits me best, choose my friends, birth or adopt as many children as my husband and I care to parent, worship my God, own a rifle, and raise my children with the morals and ethics that I value. And that is not even a drop in the bucket.

It seems that we have forgotten what America is all about. It seems that we have let the concept of freedom become a burden instead of a blessing. We argue about hot topics, disagree about politics, and build "fences" to keep out the issues that are disagreeable to us. It seems ancient history to put the words "right" and "responsibility" together.

I find that many times we take our rights for granted, and tend to sweep the responsibility part under the rug. In a perfect world, patriotism would include the responsibility of having a social conscience. Hatred and bitterness would become extinct with the responsible practice of patriotism. Patriotism should be a lifetime dedication to make our world a better, more thriving place. We should cherish and use carefully our right to dissent, and respect the rights of others to do so courteously.

I believe that patriotism is a principle, and ideal, a character trait that has everything to do with loving and caring for people everywhere.

And I am proud and elated to live in a country where I can, and do, choose to live my ideal of patriotism. I am a patriot!